The One We've Been Waiting For

Ok, this time the silence means something, my dear reader(s).

Something big.  I've been holding it in.  Rolling it around in my brain, trying to find the words to fully describe the amazing things that have happened in the last few weeks.

They say a picture's worth a thousand words, so here it is:

Yes, seeing is believing!  We've MATCHED!!  

I know...I can hardly believe it either.  Just when we'd settled into convincing ourselves that this might take awhile.  Just after we'd decided to put on a brave face and say ten times a day that it was ok that nobody was calling us.  Just about the time we'd started to face the reality that we may have to buck up and focus on other things, and perhaps our dream of becoming moms would have to go on the back burner for who knows how long.

We got the call.  THE call.  This time it came not from a tentative young woman whispering nervously into her phone, but rather straight from our agency.  The intake coordinator called and let us know she had spoken that afternoon with a young woman who wanted us to be the parents of the child she was carrying.

You could have knocked me over with a feather.  

"Do you want us to show her your profile?", the coordinator asked.  

Is the Pope Catholic?  Do bears poo in the woods?  OF COURSE WE DO.  

To be fair, it wasn't a completely ridiculous question.  This woman lives in a nearby state, where our agency does not have an office.  So, the adoption will involve a little more paperwork and red tape, and some extra fees.  I guess some people have more rigid ideas about what they will or won't deal with in an adoption.  Amber and I aren't those people.  So--in about 2.5 seconds--we agreed that we wanted to move forward and have our profile shown to her.

I am SO GLAD we did.  We could not have asked to be matched with a more amazing person.  We couldn't have imagined a better situation. She is in a relationship with a great guy and they clearly love each other to pieces.  Her family is so supportive of her, of the two of them, and of their adoption plan.  She's smart, she's funny, she's sensitive and she is unimaginably wise beyond her years.  She reminds me a lot of me, actually. (Ha! "She's awesome...just like me!" Modesty has clearly never been my strong suit.)

So, we are excitedly moving forward on this match.  She's due in August, so we have a long time to get to know one another and to plan for the future.  At some point soon we'll have an official match meeting, where we can sit down and really hash out the details of what we each want and expect from this open adoption.  From the little we've discussed it so far though, it seems like we are already on the same page about openness, and I'm thrilled about that.  

Open adoption is the way we chose to build our family because we strongly believe that openness is the best thing for our child.  We want him or her to always know his or her birth parents, how amazing they are, and why they chose us to be parents.  

But, we also chose open adoption because we strongly believe that openness is the best thing for the birth parents, as well.  I'm under no delusion that this process will be easy for them.  It's hard to reconcile the fact that something that will make Amber and I so SO very happy will also be sad and difficult for the very person who is choosing to give us this amazing gift, and making us so happy in the first place.  I want our adoption to be open--to include letters, pictures, and visits--because I want our child and his or her birth parents to get to experience all the wonderful things about one another.  

But, I also want it to be open for a slightly more selfish reason.  I want to experience those things as well.  Amber and I are lucky to have many wonderful people in our lives...our family, our friends, and so many great individuals with whom we've crossed paths over the years.  But, a person who can make this difficult decision at a relatively young age, who has enough maturity and forethought to realize she's not ready to be a parent yet, and who has the bravery and loving heart to put this child's needs and best interest first, and to give us the gift of parenthood, for which we will never stop being grateful.....that's a person I want in MY life forever, too.

x's&o's,

Michelle

First Comes Love.

Tomorrow is our thirteenth anniversary.  Our relationship is a TEENager now.  I can hardly believe it.  It seems like only yesterday we were college kids holding hands in the backseat of a car, on our way to a 5am post-partying greasy breakfast.

Tapestry on the wall, bootleg cassettes? Must be a hippie dorm room.

And now here we are, in our mid-thirties, excitedly awaiting parenthood.

So much has happened between then and now.  We've had so many firsts, shared so many milestones, and grown so much into the couple we are today.  So, in honor of our "Lucky 13th," here's a look back at 13 important moments in our relationship.

1. Our first official date was on Valentine's Day, 1998.  We went to a great Italian restaurant in St Petersburg. Amber's mom, her sisters, and her sisters' cheerleading friends (who were all in town for a competition) were there too.  Now that I think of it, that doesn't sound like much of a first date.  Especially because we hadn't yet told her family that we were dating.  And, actually, it was mostly just nerve wracking and awkward. But, later that evening, back in Amber's dorm, we shared our first kiss.  Awwwwwww.

2. Our senior year in college we got two single rooms in the dorm lottery. They were in neighboring buildings in the same dorm complex.  We dragged the bed from one room into the other, pushed them together, threw a queen sized mattress on top, and called that the "bedroom."  We put two desks, a couch, and a dresser in the other room, and called that the "living room."  Every morning I padded across the dorm courtyard in my pajamas and flip flops to the "living room" where my closet was, to get ready for class.  Thankfully the Florida weather permitted such foolishness.

In our "living room"

3. Amber came home with me to Ohio for the first time over Thanksgiving of our senior year.  We went to see a very amateur local production of The Wizard of Oz.  I picked her out a hideous grey shimmery skirt and a shiny maroon blouse to wear for the occasion. It was the late 90's, ok? At the time, I thought it looked nice. She still hasn't forgiven me for it.

4. The first time I went to visit Amber's family, I horrified everyone by almost stomping barefoot on a roach.  I would have done it, too, if they hadn't all startled me by shrieking.  After living in Borneo for a summer, I wasn't afraid of giant tropical bugs.  When the need arises, I'm still the bug killer in the family.

5.  The first road trip we ever went on together was a 30 hour trip from Tampa to Toledo.  We had just graduated, and Amber was driving back home with me.  We got not one, but two, flat tires.  The first of which took four hours to get fixed, because we stupidly left the rim on the side of the highway, not understanding we were supposed to keep that part for the new tire.  Once we finally made it to my parents' house, Amber fell down the steps carrying the luggage in, and we ended up sitting in the ER all night so she could get her arm X-rayed.  It was the first of many of our ill-fated attempts at travel together.



At college graduation.  Unaware we are about to be stuck in a car for 30 hours.


 6.  Our first apartment together was in Centereach, NY, while we were in graduate school.  The year before, Amber had been in Binghamton, NY, studying archaeology, while I was in Stony Brook, NY studying primatology.  Needless to say, we spent a lot of hours in the car that year, driving the five hours back and forth to visit one another.  So, when her coursework was complete, Amber moved into the one bedroom apartment I had rented in an old house.  It had fabulous indoor/outdoor faux brick carpeting in the kitchen, hideous southwestern styled sponge painting in the bathroom, and the living room was so small that our golden retriever Aurora couldn't even turn around in it.  But, it was ours, and we were together again, at last.

Jerry thought the apartment was roomy.

7.  After we completed our master's degrees and decided PhD's weren't what we wanted out of life anymore, we made our first official move together to Atlanta.  It was 2002, we'd been together 3 1/2 years, and I look back now and realize that this was when we really, officially, without a doubt knew that we were going to be together forever.  Up until that point, we'd been fumbling around a bit, growing up, growing into ourselves, and learning, together, what it takes to be in a relationship.  But, when we packed up our things, rented a house sight unseen over the internet, and headed off to Atlanta without jobs or knowing a single other soul, I knew we were decidedly in this together for the long haul now.

8.  After renting for a year, we bought our first house together.  We picked the quiet, diverse, and friendly city of Pine Lake, in the metro-Atlanta area.  We had met friends who lived there already, and we were instantly intrigued by the quirky cabin homes, beachside community house, and close-knit neighborhood atmosphere.  We've put a lot of time, effort, and old fashioned elbow grease into making this house the home sweet home that it now is.

Enjoying the snow outside our new house!

9.  Once upon a time, shortly after we bought our house, we decided we should have a "ceremony".  Not a "wedding", because those aren't legal for us in Georgia, but a "ceremony" at least; a celebration of our love and commitment in front of family and friends.  We talked about bridesmaids, wedding cakes, reception halls, and honeymoons.  We bought bridal magazines...ok, I bought bridal magazines.  I looked at gorgeous dresses, and imagined what they would look like on me.  But in the end, it all seemed very complicated, very expensive and somewhat unnecessary, really.  We didn't need a party to prove to our family and friends we were in love.  We just wanted a symbol of our commitment to one another, for one another.  So, in the end, we decided to forgo the ceremony and bought rings for one another instead.  We've worn them every day since. I still have the card that Amber gave me that day, standing in our living room, that reads: "Will you be my Mrs. forever?"

10. In 2006, we attended a seminar called "Maybe Baby" that was organized by a local group for gay families.  It was our first foray into the world of possible parenthood.  We like to plan ahead.  Like, way ahead.  Back then, we had yet to decide how we were going to build a family, but we had made the decision that family-building was in our future.  I was still in nursing school, Amber was working her way up at Georgia State, and we knew we weren't yet in a place to raise a child.  But, we were starting to look forward to the day we would be.

11.  I had to have back surgery for a herniated disk in 2007.  It was supposed to be a relatively simple procedure, but I ended up having a complication called an ileus.  Basically, my intestines didn't wake up after the surgery as quickly as they should have, so my belly swelled up like I was 7 months pregnant, and I was literally puking my guts out.  Horrid, right?  You have no idea.  I was in the hospital for almost a week until things righted themselves.  Poor Amber and my mom rotated sleeping crunched up in a chair next to my hospital bed.  After the first two days in the hospital, Amber had to drive home and get more clothes and things.  She was so worried about me (and also probably sleep deprived), that she rushed out of the house and left the door standing wide open.  Not just unlocked.  Wide open.  Five days later, when I was finally released from the hospital, we came home and discovered it.  It's a testament to our neighborhood that not a single thing was gone.

12. We celebrated our 10th anniversary together in beautiful Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.  We are the queens of weekend road trips.  We love visiting funky Asheville, NC, spending a weekend in a cabin in the Blue Ridge Mountains, relaxing on the beaches near Savannah, GA, or  taking a quick trip to Orlando or Ohio to visit family.  But, we had never taken a full-on week long international vacation together before.  We lived it up...shopping, beaching, fiesta-ing, eating, swimming in our resort's infinity pool.  It was a vacation for the ages.   The first half, at least.  Then Amber got food poisoning and ended up in a Mexican hospital.  Good times.  She survived though (obviously), and at least we have a great story to tell.  Or something....

!Feliz Aniversario!

13. [Any guesses what this one is gonna be? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?]  Last year, we joined the Independent Adoption Center, and officially began our journey to parenthood togther.  [You guessed it, didn't you?!  So smart, my reader(s)...]  I know that this is exactly the right time in our relationship for us to be parents.  Looking back, it's easy to see that we've been in love forever, and we've been committed to each other and our relationship for a very long time. But would we have been ready to be parents at 20 years old, when we first met?  No way.  At 26, when we were settling down and growing up?  Probably not.  But here and now?  Definitely.

I'm proud of our relationship.  I'm proud of the commitment we've made to each other, the effort we put into making our relationship work, and the love, laughter, and fun that fills our daily life together.  Most of all, I feel proud and lucky to be able to honestly say that after thirteen years together, we are still in love, and we are still each other's best friend.

Happy Anniversary Mrs.  I love you.

x's&o's,

Michelle