I Shouldn't Be Blogging...

I should be doing.  Something.  Anything.  Anything but sitting on the couch in my pj's, drinking coffee, and typing away.  There is a list of things a mile long on the fridge detailing all the things that could occupy my day today.  Before bed last night, Amber and I went over a short list of the things I could feasibly accomplish today, on my day off.  We talked about how grrrreat it feels to get things done, how nice it feels to cross things off the list, how proud and energized you feel at the end of the day when your day has been truly well spent.

And I went to sleep last night with a list of tasks swirling in my head.  I bounced (ok, groggily stumbled) out of bed this morning, with the full intention of eating a quick breakfast and getting immediately down to business on battling that list.

But there she was.  That sleek black beauty, sitting coyly on the couch.
Beckoning to me to pick her up and hold her on my lap, to caress her with my fingertips, and gaze into her bright and open.....screen.

Oh yes, the siren song of the internet was calling to me from this beloved laptop.  And once again, I could not resist.

Hello Facebook!  Hello Lamebook!  Hello DYAC, and LOLcats, and Regretsy!  Hello Blogroll full of open adoption blogs!  How I've missed you all over the last few days when that pesky j-o-b interfered with our love affair! xoxo

After I've greeted all my favorite internet sites, caught up on all the posts I've missed, I come here, to my internet BFF, this very blog.  And I think, "Wow.  I haven't blogged in a while."  It's been 28 days since my last confession...errr, blog post.

And suddenly, "Blog" soars up the ranks of my list of things to do today.  Past paying the bills.  Past doing the laundry.  Past working on my project for work, going to the gym, or weeding the flower beds in the front yard.

Somehow telling you all about the things I should be doing outranks actually doing them.  Hey, I don't make the rules of blogging, folks.  I just follow them.  Religiously.  And I'm counting on all of you to help me justify this leap in logic when Amber gets home from work tonight.  It's on you, dear reader(s), it's on you.

So, I don't know how many of you are keeping an eye on that Lilypie ticker over there in the corner.  But it's ticking away.  Tick tock, tick tock, tick, tick, BOOM.

Somehow, back in February, the end of August felt eons away.  In February, the end of August felt like the Galapagos Islands: a beautiful, magical place, that is far, far away, and we were just hoping and dreaming of someday actually visiting.  Well, guess what people, August is suddenly, officially, undeniably HERE.  I don't know if it's plate tectonics or what, but the Galapagos Islands are somehow now sitting squarely just off the coast of Georgia.  We're just a stone's throw away.

To be fair, we have actually accomplished a lot over these last five and a half months.

We emptied out the "spare room", painted it yellow from top to bottom, rolled out the pretty green rug, hung new blinds, and assembled the day bed and the gliding rocking chair.  The crib is picked out and bookmarked on amazon, just waiting for us to pull the trigger and "Add to Cart".  The baby will sleep in a bassinet in our room for the first few months anyhow, so we've decided to subject ourselves to the joy that is assembling a crib with a baby on your hip.  (You can remind us later that we once thought that was a splendid idea.)

Oh Ikea, we would be so unfurnished without you.

Ta-da!  And no mysterious extra parts left over, even!!

After we turned the spare room into a real live nursery in 650 easy steps, we started working on preparing for our trip.  Because, not only are we preparing for the hopeful arrival of a little one.  We are also planning for an impending one to two week "vacation" after the baby is born.  Because this will be an interstate adoption, we have to stay in the state where the baby is born while all the paperwork and legal stuff clears.  It takes ten days to two-ish weeks.  And of course, this little "vacation" will start, oh I don't know, sometime between now and the end of this month (or perhaps, god forbid, the beginning of next month).  Because, in case you didn't get the memo....babies can't read calendars.  They can't be bothered with pesky due dates, they come when they are ready.  And sometimes, they decide to start making their grand exit in the middle of the night.

So the master plan is that Aaron will call us when Kelsey is in labor, and we will drive like hell.  It's a good 8 hour drive to where we are going, so our plan is to get things as ready as we can now, so we can leave as soon as humanly possible after we get "the call".  We have a car seat and a pack-n-play from friends, and a snuggly sleepy wrap baby carrier that we ordered online. Our friends also made us the most awesome "baby kit" full of practically everything a baby could need in her first few weeks of life.

Everything else that we plan on taking?  Oh yeah, that's all listed on an excel spreadsheet.  Color coded by the piece of luggage it goes in.   HAHAHAH...just kidding.  Who's that crazy?  Who has that kind of time? Who makes herself feel safe by controlling the one tiny detail she can because the rest of this huge process is completely beyond her control?

Oh wait...ME.  Awesome.

Yeah, it says Page 1.  That means there's a Page 2, also.
Mind your business...

And since we're confessing here, I have another spreadsheet that details the amenities, rates, and addresses of every suite-style hotel within a five mile radius of the hospital.  Of course we can't make reservations yet, but lordy be, when we can?!  I am ON it.

I guess, in reality...we are pretty much ready to go.  Or as ready as we will ever be, at least.  There are little things we want to finish, loose ends we hope to tie up before we go, but the truth is, if Aaron called us tonight we could jump in the car and go.  Ok, well first we'd probably run around, wave our arms, bump into each other, confuse the crap out of the dogs, and repeatedly gasp "ohmygod...ohmygod...OHMYGOD" for about thirty minutes or so.  But after THAT?  We'd jump in the car and go.

Lists be damned (Did I just say that?!).  I guess I can be blogging today, after all!  There's nothing left to do really, except wait.  And if there's one thing we've gotten good at during this process, it's waiting.  (And paperworking.)  

This is a different kind of waiting though, than the other waiting that came before.  That waiting felt theoretical, with no end in sight, and no real idea what would happen before we got to the end.  This waiting feels definite.  One way or another, this baby will be born.  The waiting will end.  We are excited, to be sure.  But we are nervous.  Anxious about what it will all be like, how it will all happen.  Anticipating the match meeting was mind blowing.  Anticipating the actual birth?  With all the many words I keep tucked away in my brain to pour out onto this page, I still don't have the words to describe the anticipation involved in this.

It has been an emotional five and a half months.  It has been all at once exciting and scary and thrilling and humbling and even at times, sad.  We have welcomed into our life an amazing young woman.  A woman of courage, character, strength and wisdom beyond her years, the likes of which I don't think I've ever seen.  She has allowed us into her life, her pregnancy, and her journey.  She has shared so honestly with us the difficulties of this path she's on, and fought hard to persevere when it all sometimes seems too much.  She has hopes, dreams, and plans for her future.  One of those plans is for us to parent her beloved daughter.  It's not an easy plan.  It's not a plan that anyone wants to be faced with making.  If there is one thing I know about what will happen at the hospital, it is that there will be tears.  Sadness filled with joy, joy filled with sadness.  No matter what, it will be a time filled with complex emotions for everyone involved.  No matter what, we are forever changed.  No matter what, we are forever strengthened, forever enriched, and forever humbled by having walked this path with her.  And if and when her plan to make us parents becomes a reality, we will forever do everything we can to be the most amazing parents to this child.  We will forever do everything we can to make Kelsey proud.  Of us.  Of her/our daughter.  Of her decision and of herself.

You can't put that on an excel spreadsheet.

x's & o's,

Michelle